Let's talk about neglect

Have you ever had the feeling that you were in a friendship where you felt like you were 
the only one in it? Well you're definitely not the only one. I know everything about it. 
It feels like you've given so much of yourself but you get nothing or just little in return.
You may feel disappointed, hurt and/or neglected. 
So as a reaction you start to fight for someone's time and attention.
Fighting for someone who doesn't fight for you can be mentally, emotionally and even 
physically exhausting. 
There comes a point that you have to draw the line. That's what i've learned these past months. 
I noticed that i was trying to uphold certain friendships and it was starting to take the best of me.
I was putting all my effort and energy trying to make things work but it never paid off. 

So after years of being neglected (sounds much heavier than it was), i started to examine myself. 

I started to observe what it was i did wrong that repeatedly got me in these situations.

Eventually i found out that my focus was wrong. I was so focused on making

these friendships work that i wasn't paying attention to my other friendships.

I discovered that i wasn't only being neglected but, in some cases, i was the neglector.
I was putting the wrong people first and the right people last.

So to help me, and hopefully you, deal with these kind of situations in the future, i came up with 5 steps. 

 1. D I S T A N C E 

If you think/feel that you're always the one taking initiative, take a step back and see 
what happens. Sometimes it's better to distance yourself from that person for a little 
while to see if that person will notice it and step up. If they do that's great! If they don't --> step 2.

2. C O M M U N I C A T I O N

Communication is ESSENTIAL !!
If a friendship or relationship is lacking communication, sooner or later it WILL fall apart.
We have so much going on inside our heads that we often expect people to read our minds.
We aren't mind readers or psychics. We are human beings. We have ears to HEAR and 
mouths to TALK. We have to communicate with one another. Listen and talk! 

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw

You can't blame someone for something they don't know they're doing. So you can't 
expect them to change either. Think about it.

3. L E T   G O

If that person continues to show the same behavior, they obviously don't care that much about you.
It's time to let them go. 
The question is: how long do you've to go through negligence  to make the decision to let someone go? Honestly, i can't answer that. You'll feel and know when you've had enough and that you deserve better.

Letting them go doesn't mean that you have to eliminate them out of your life.
It means that you have to put them in a different place in your life.
It doesn't mean that you have to hate them or treat them badly.
It just means that you have to love them from an emotional distance.
A save distance where they can't hurt or disappoint you anymore.
This may be the most painful thing you'll have to do cause obviously your heart won't agree with this decision. But it's the best thing to do.

We are often scared to let go, because we're afraid to lose that friendship.
But friendship shouldn't be a struggle. And it musn't only depend on one person.
Don't be scared to let go. Realize that you deserve better.
Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care. It simply means you're moving on to something better.

 Pray about it. Forgive that person. Move on. 

4. R E L O C A T E   Y O U R   E N E R G Y/ E F F O R T

Invest your energy, time and effort in someone else. 

If you know that the person you always make time for will let you down once again, 

choose to make another decision. Choose to put someone else first for a change.

Look around. There are probably enough people knocking at your door for friendship. 

The door that you may have closed for others.

A lot of times we are focused on the people we're fighting for that we don't see the people 
who are willing to fight for us.

Open your eyes and pay attention.

5. H E L P   S O M E O N E   E L S E

Encourage someone. Make their day. 
Call someone you know that is going through a rough time and needs a friend. Talk with 
someone you know that hasn't have anyone to talk to.

Be the kind of person you want someone to be for you.
Do the kind of things you want someone to do for you.
Be the change you want to see and you'll see how it will come back to you.

I hope this helps you. Even though i wrote this i've to admit that i'm still struggling with
certain points.  (As you may have noticed in my "poems")
I just wanted to share what i've learned and i'm working on.
It has worked for me, i hope it works for you.