Let's talk about Assumption

“Assumption”  

A man’s worst enemy and a woman’s best friend. What is it with us women assuming things? It’s like we’re built to connect every behavior to our own thoughts and expectations.
Assumption is a stranger of mine, but in the past we’ve had a very close relationship. However, I began to see how twofaced he could be. I saw how many problems assumption produced, so I dumped him. Getting rid of assumption was a smart thing to do. It was truly liberating. Sometimes he tries to win me back, but I’m enjoying my emotional freedom. 
Assumption is like a bacterium. The more you let it live, the more it multiplies. And when it grows long enough, it will evolve into a sickness or infection (wrong accusations, jealousy, anger, hate). It can even break up friendships and families. I’ve had several bad experiences myself. I think everyone has.


Assumptions means, to accept something as true without proof.
Examples of assumptions:
-          Thinking that someone has bad thoughts about you.
-          Thinking someone is angry at you
-          Thinking someone does certain things to you on purpose.


These are just little examples. Everybody has had thoughts like that. But it gets unhealthy
when it increases and take over your attitude and even actions.
You know, it’s difficult to have a good relationship/friendship with someone who assumes a lot because there’ll always be trouble about unnecessary stuff. It can be exhausting when someone is trying to make things work with such a person. There comes a time that the other person will get tired of that situation.
                                  
What do you do if you want to get rid of assumption?
To help you, I’ve come up with a few steps to show you how I got rid of (the unhealthy kind of) assumption. Just like i did when i wrote what to do when you're being neglected a few months ago. (See http://exhaleyourmind.blogspot.com/2013/11/lets-talk-about-neglect.html )

1.     Acknowledge that you’re an "assumer" If you think a lot, there is a big chance that you're an "assumer".If you always think you know how people think or feel, then you’re definitely an assumer.

 

2.    Acknowledge that assumption is not your friend. We’re human. And the thing with us humans is that we feel so many things. Sometimes the feelings even contradict each other. Think about it, one day you’re happy, the other day you feel sad, then you’re smiling, then you’re crying. It’s like an emotional rollercoaster. So that means that your assumptions, which are connected to your feelings, are mostly NOT reliable.

3.     You have to be willing to take measures against assumption. By that I mean that you have to be prepared to put your pride aside by doing the thing that is necessary to combat your assumptions. Stop reacting with the same attitude you THINK the other person is having towards you. You’re not a mirror. Don’t engage yourself in such low behaviour. Be willing to be honest about what bothers you and how you feel. Don’t hold your true feelings back by acting indifferent. You will not solve the problem with such a attitude. Fix your attitude. 

4.     Now that you've got the right attitude, you have to take action. The best way to fight against assumption is by simply COMMUNICATING. The level of communication between you and the other determines the maturity of your friendship/relationship.

During communication you have to be hopeful that communication will help. If you already have bad expectations, then your attitude will be tuned on those assumptions.

And with communication I mean towards THAT person. A lot of people communicate with other people that have nothing to do with their issues.

Talking to someone else will only make things worse. Think about it:

A.    That person you’re talking to has no idea of the facts.

B.    That person you’re talking to only knows your side of the story and will probably choose your side by feeding your assumptions.

C.    You never fixed the problem, you only located it. You’ll get more angry, sad etc.

      In this case you expect a certain behavior from somebody who can’t comply with your expectations because the problem was never communicated with the one it concerns. Now everything that person does/says, bothers you because you're connecting every action to a blame that they don’t even know they’re doing. It doesn't make sense when you think about it.

      5. Stop giving hints and expect people to get these hints. This is something that   especially  us women have to learn. When someone doesn't get the hints we give them, we  get annoyed about it eventhough we were never clear in our actions. Less hints, more communication.

These are the steps that really helped me fight agains this unhealthy way of thinking. It wasn't easy but when you train yourself by making the right choices over and over, it will become something you do automatically.

 With this post I just wanted to say: How would our friendships/relationships be if we would just COMMUNICATE instead of ASSUMME? I really think our lives would be much easier just by doing that small thing.

God is Love,
Chanty